who’s raising your baby?
Last night for the very first-time, I realized that I would like to be a stay-at-home mother. That is a statement I never expected to make. I realized that our daycare provider is the one deciding M’s schedule for the day. I can ask her to try and transition him to one nap so he sleeps better at night, but she is free to ignore my request.
Since she spends five days a week with him, she can also decide what he eats, whether he plays outside or watches TV. Sure we have expressed preferences as to all these issues, but she’ll decide the ultimate schedule for the day.
At home, I try and and prepare organic, healthy foods for M. I am very careful to choose a balance of nutritious foods that came from plants or animals raised in a sustainable way without harmful additions. Our daycare provider cooks meals for M in her home. I can’t ask her to only purchase separate organic food for Milo. Although, I have specified that she purchase organic milk for him. I don’t think that is too much a of hardship.
The food and scheduling issues are great examples of who is making the day-to-day decisions for M. And it’s not me. A friend of mine sympathized when I first came back to work after maternity leave. However, she implied that it would become harder and harder as time went on. I didn’t believe her at the time, but I know exactly what she meant now.
For the time being, I will have to content myself with moving to a part-time schedule, four days a week instead of five. But eventually, I’d like to work three days a week and have four days to spend with M. Only then will I feel like I’m the one actually raising him.
How about you? What is your ideal schedule?
finding time for yourself as a mother
Just when I think I’m making progress in being the calm, fun mother I would like to be, my son shows me just how much further I have to go. Up until the last several nights, M has consistently gone to bed around 7:30 pm. This means that I usually have two hours or so devoted to whatever I want to do – read, catch-up on TV shows, make phone calls, spend quality time with my husband, whatever.
The previous two nights, M has shown no inclination to go to bed before 9:00 and one night was going strong until just before 10:00 pm. As that’s my usual bed-time, I am typically too exhausted to do much else besides turn in myself.
When M was first born, I remember feeling anger at the loss of my own time. Not at him, more at the lack of being able to control my own day. Since my maternity leave a year ago, I feel that I have made significant progress towards being completely with M when he’s awake and I understanding that what I want to do will have to wait.
But on the night M was wide awake and buzzing until almost 10:00, I felt again the snap of anger. Again for the me, the real issue here is loss of control. I cannot make him go to sleep if he’s not tired. I think this is one of the most important lessons of being a mother, well at least for me. It’s that being able to roll with whatever is happening is the key to enjoying time with your child.
As a mom who works outside the home, I probably get more free time than those who stay-at-home, but I still cherish those couple of hours when I’m not at work, commuting, making dinner, cleaning up or chasing after a toddler.
What’s your favorite activity when you have free time?
An Experiment in Spending Less – Maternity Leave
I’ve always known that my biggest spending weakness happens during the day when I’m at work. But I never was able to test it for more than a couple of days in a row. The lure of lunches out and afternoon snacks was too strong.
After being on maternity leave these past three months, I’ve been able to see what it would be like if I nearly eliminated spending during the day. My husband and I share one car which he uses to go to work everyday. Therefore if I want to go anywhere during the day I have to walk and I have to take my son with me. Since we live in a fairly residential area, it’s a real hike to any exciting shopping options.
So waht have been the results of this unintended experiment? A big change in my spending habits. Typically, I spend into my ING Direct overdraft before my paycheck arrives. On maternity leave this doesn’t happen. It’s even more impressive when you factor in that my income has decreased 20% during my leave.
When I go back to work in June, you can bet I’ll be bringing my lunch to work and watching the snacks. I know I can do it now and have witnessed the huge impact it can have on my finances.
Trent at The Simple Dollar wrote a far more comprehensive post on Trimming the Fat from Your Work-Related Spending.