transatlantic flights with a toddler
Tomorrow we leave for an eighteen day trip to visit my husband’s family in London. But first, we have to endure an eight hour flight with our 16 month old. Yikes! I can barely keep M entertained for 20 minutes while we wait for the pediatrician. M likes wide open spaces to run, climb and destroy. I’m a little anxious about trying to keep him in such a small space for that long.
Last year, we flew when M was 6 months old. He was not really mobile but it’s hard to entertain a 6 month old. His favorite activities included nursing or being bounced by mom or dad walking up and down the aisles. This was not too much of a problem except for takeoff. For which, he pretty much screamed the whole time. We tried nursing, singing, toys to no avail.
In addition, most tranatlantic flights are overnight. Last year’s flight left at M’s bedtime and it wasn’t until dinner was served and cleaned up that the lights in the cabin were turned down. M did not sleep until this point. And then even when he did sleep it was in 20 minutes bursts. Needless to say, we were all exhausted.
This time we are taking one of the rare daytime flights. I really feel that this should improve the experience significantly. The return trip last year, which was also during the day was so much easier and calm.
So for tomorrow, I have spent weeks preparing. I researched and bought several activity toys that will hopefully entertain M for more than 15 minutes such as this. I bought new books. I’m going to Target tonight to buy trinkets and snacks. I downloaded Sesame Street and Dora onto my iPhone. I’m as ready as possible.
Lastly, I’ve been repeating to myself over and over again that a roll-with-it attitude on my part will make a huge difference to everyone.
I will let you know how it goes. Any last minute tips?
who’s raising your baby?
Last night for the very first-time, I realized that I would like to be a stay-at-home mother. That is a statement I never expected to make. I realized that our daycare provider is the one deciding M’s schedule for the day. I can ask her to try and transition him to one nap so he sleeps better at night, but she is free to ignore my request.
Since she spends five days a week with him, she can also decide what he eats, whether he plays outside or watches TV. Sure we have expressed preferences as to all these issues, but she’ll decide the ultimate schedule for the day.
At home, I try and and prepare organic, healthy foods for M. I am very careful to choose a balance of nutritious foods that came from plants or animals raised in a sustainable way without harmful additions. Our daycare provider cooks meals for M in her home. I can’t ask her to only purchase separate organic food for Milo. Although, I have specified that she purchase organic milk for him. I don’t think that is too much a of hardship.
The food and scheduling issues are great examples of who is making the day-to-day decisions for M. And it’s not me. A friend of mine sympathized when I first came back to work after maternity leave. However, she implied that it would become harder and harder as time went on. I didn’t believe her at the time, but I know exactly what she meant now.
For the time being, I will have to content myself with moving to a part-time schedule, four days a week instead of five. But eventually, I’d like to work three days a week and have four days to spend with M. Only then will I feel like I’m the one actually raising him.
How about you? What is your ideal schedule?
finding time for yourself as a mother
Just when I think I’m making progress in being the calm, fun mother I would like to be, my son shows me just how much further I have to go. Up until the last several nights, M has consistently gone to bed around 7:30 pm. This means that I usually have two hours or so devoted to whatever I want to do – read, catch-up on TV shows, make phone calls, spend quality time with my husband, whatever.
The previous two nights, M has shown no inclination to go to bed before 9:00 and one night was going strong until just before 10:00 pm. As that’s my usual bed-time, I am typically too exhausted to do much else besides turn in myself.
When M was first born, I remember feeling anger at the loss of my own time. Not at him, more at the lack of being able to control my own day. Since my maternity leave a year ago, I feel that I have made significant progress towards being completely with M when he’s awake and I understanding that what I want to do will have to wait.
But on the night M was wide awake and buzzing until almost 10:00, I felt again the snap of anger. Again for the me, the real issue here is loss of control. I cannot make him go to sleep if he’s not tired. I think this is one of the most important lessons of being a mother, well at least for me. It’s that being able to roll with whatever is happening is the key to enjoying time with your child.
As a mom who works outside the home, I probably get more free time than those who stay-at-home, but I still cherish those couple of hours when I’m not at work, commuting, making dinner, cleaning up or chasing after a toddler.
What’s your favorite activity when you have free time?
How not to start a new blog
Here’s how not to start a blog:
- Sign up for a domain and a Wordpress account on a whim after reading a really excellent article on blogging by Steve Pavlina.
- Start writing immediately without giving any thought to a plan for your blog.
- Not building up a stash of already written articles for when I didn’t have time to research and post.
- Have your first child a couple of months after starting your blog.
- Have the focus of your blog become completely pointless (when we decided not to make the move to London).
For an excellent description of how to start a blog properly as well as tons of other useful information, check out Chris Guillebeau’s 279 Days of Overnight Success on his Art of Non-Conformity blog.
Now that my adorable son is almost three months old and I’m getting a functional amount of sleep – I’d like to get back to blogging! I just need to decide what direction the Pond will take.
In an interesting side note, I recently started reading Pam Slim’s inspiring Escape from Cubicle Nation blog and it looks like she started blogging when her son was about the same age as my son now. This must be the time when new parents can finally come up for air!
The Cost of Daycare
With a new baby on the way, daycare costs are looming in my future. Currently I’m planning to take six months off and am very fortunate that a little over half will be paid maternity leave. We’ve set aside some savings to offset the cost for the last few months. But eventually, I believe I will wish to go back to work full-time. Although, many people will caution you that you may change your mind once the baby arrives. Even still, I’m pretty sure that I will want to be employed.
Today I realized what a huge expense that is going to be for our budget. Here is DC it’s around $1200/month and in London it appears to be around £600/month for an infant but in many places up to £800/month. This is assuming we go the daycare route as opposed to the nanny and in-home childminder options.
What all that means is that in order for me to go back to work, I must make more than £10,500 pre-tax just to pay for daycare. I’m hoping to make around £25,000/year pre-tax in the UK when I start working. Note: I’ll be covering UK and US taxes in a later post including a comparison of the two.
Once taxes are subtracted, I’m left with £21,207 net of tax. Then up to £9600 of that amount per year will go straight to childcare! Leaving me with £11,607 after taxes and childcare expenses. So in theory I’ll be working full-time less than £1,000/month after-tax. Yikes! That really makes me wonder if there’s not some better way to do this.
There are other options. Staggering our schedules could potentially make a difference. My cousin and her husband have taken this to the extreme in that she work days and he works nights. The children, therefore, are never in daycare, but I’m not sure how much my cousin sees her husband.
Another possibility is having each spouse work different days of the week or taking the early or late shifts during the day. However, part-time daycare can be problematic as well. For example, in DC unless you can find another family that requires the opposite of your schedule (you need M-T-W, the other couple needs Th-F), the daycare will often charge for the full week anyway!
We’ve been really spoiled these last few years. With decent salaries and relatively low expenses, our savings rate has been high and we’ve been able to accomplish financial goals fairly easily. I can see that the pace of that progress – saving for a home, retirement and travel – will definitely need to be re-evaluated over the next few years.
For those who’ve already navigated these challenges, any suggestions?