transatlantic flights with a toddler
Tomorrow we leave for an eighteen day trip to visit my husband’s family in London. But first, we have to endure an eight hour flight with our 16 month old. Yikes! I can barely keep M entertained for 20 minutes while we wait for the pediatrician. M likes wide open spaces to run, climb and destroy. I’m a little anxious about trying to keep him in such a small space for that long.
Last year, we flew when M was 6 months old. He was not really mobile but it’s hard to entertain a 6 month old. His favorite activities included nursing or being bounced by mom or dad walking up and down the aisles. This was not too much of a problem except for takeoff. For which, he pretty much screamed the whole time. We tried nursing, singing, toys to no avail.
In addition, most tranatlantic flights are overnight. Last year’s flight left at M’s bedtime and it wasn’t until dinner was served and cleaned up that the lights in the cabin were turned down. M did not sleep until this point. And then even when he did sleep it was in 20 minutes bursts. Needless to say, we were all exhausted.
This time we are taking one of the rare daytime flights. I really feel that this should improve the experience significantly. The return trip last year, which was also during the day was so much easier and calm.
So for tomorrow, I have spent weeks preparing. I researched and bought several activity toys that will hopefully entertain M for more than 15 minutes such as this. I bought new books. I’m going to Target tonight to buy trinkets and snacks. I downloaded Sesame Street and Dora onto my iPhone. I’m as ready as possible.
Lastly, I’ve been repeating to myself over and over again that a roll-with-it attitude on my part will make a huge difference to everyone.
I will let you know how it goes. Any last minute tips?
who’s raising your baby?
Last night for the very first-time, I realized that I would like to be a stay-at-home mother. That is a statement I never expected to make. I realized that our daycare provider is the one deciding M’s schedule for the day. I can ask her to try and transition him to one nap so he sleeps better at night, but she is free to ignore my request.
Since she spends five days a week with him, she can also decide what he eats, whether he plays outside or watches TV. Sure we have expressed preferences as to all these issues, but she’ll decide the ultimate schedule for the day.
At home, I try and and prepare organic, healthy foods for M. I am very careful to choose a balance of nutritious foods that came from plants or animals raised in a sustainable way without harmful additions. Our daycare provider cooks meals for M in her home. I can’t ask her to only purchase separate organic food for Milo. Although, I have specified that she purchase organic milk for him. I don’t think that is too much a of hardship.
The food and scheduling issues are great examples of who is making the day-to-day decisions for M. And it’s not me. A friend of mine sympathized when I first came back to work after maternity leave. However, she implied that it would become harder and harder as time went on. I didn’t believe her at the time, but I know exactly what she meant now.
For the time being, I will have to content myself with moving to a part-time schedule, four days a week instead of five. But eventually, I’d like to work three days a week and have four days to spend with M. Only then will I feel like I’m the one actually raising him.
How about you? What is your ideal schedule?
finding time for yourself as a mother
Just when I think I’m making progress in being the calm, fun mother I would like to be, my son shows me just how much further I have to go. Up until the last several nights, M has consistently gone to bed around 7:30 pm. This means that I usually have two hours or so devoted to whatever I want to do – read, catch-up on TV shows, make phone calls, spend quality time with my husband, whatever.
The previous two nights, M has shown no inclination to go to bed before 9:00 and one night was going strong until just before 10:00 pm. As that’s my usual bed-time, I am typically too exhausted to do much else besides turn in myself.
When M was first born, I remember feeling anger at the loss of my own time. Not at him, more at the lack of being able to control my own day. Since my maternity leave a year ago, I feel that I have made significant progress towards being completely with M when he’s awake and I understanding that what I want to do will have to wait.
But on the night M was wide awake and buzzing until almost 10:00, I felt again the snap of anger. Again for the me, the real issue here is loss of control. I cannot make him go to sleep if he’s not tired. I think this is one of the most important lessons of being a mother, well at least for me. It’s that being able to roll with whatever is happening is the key to enjoying time with your child.
As a mom who works outside the home, I probably get more free time than those who stay-at-home, but I still cherish those couple of hours when I’m not at work, commuting, making dinner, cleaning up or chasing after a toddler.
What’s your favorite activity when you have free time?
becoming a mother
Clearly, I’ve been a mother for some time as my son is now 15 months old. However, I’ve been thinking recently about how being a mother has changed how I view and react to the world. I once told a friend that after you became a mother, then you were everyone’s mother. I react so much more deeply to personal stories, especially those about children. I ache for those who have suffered losses and think daily about children whom I have not actually met.
In the last few months, some terrible things have happened to people I know. A work colleague’s seven week old baby girl died of SIDS. Another co-worker’s nine month old nephew has an extremely rare form of cancer and it not expected to live past two year of age. This is in addition to the friend of a friend’s stories that we all hear on a regular basis.
For me, becoming a mother has opened me up to the larger world while at the same time causing my daily interactions to happen on a smaller scale. It’s an experience that changes you profoundly. I know, without a doubt, that becoming a mother has changed me for the better. I find that I am more interested in others. I smile at children and their parents while walking down the street. I make time to help friends adjusting to the birth of their first child. My son’s needs almost always came first.
Becoming a mother has also made me happier.
looking for love
In the mornings, I ride a bus to the metro station just across the river from Washington, DC. Most mornings, the trains heading downtown are mostly full but not uncomfortable. Today however, there was some sort of backup and the platform was very, very full waiting for the next yellow line train.
Once the train finally arrived, everyone pushed and shoved their way on-board. There have been a number of shouting incidents in my train cars this week. Both from the shoved and the shovees. So after the obligatory grumbling and you-pushed-me exclamations. I heard a guy making friends with the woman behind me. He complimented her sweater and then moved quickly as to whether or not she was married. I thought to myself, we’ve got us a crazy.
At the next stop, he ended up right next to me in the extremely packed car. He then launched into a speech about how couples end up meeting each other due to canceled flights, subway cars, etc. Most people were trying to ignore him, especially me, as everyone knows avoiding eye contact is a must if they really are nuts.
But then I funny thing happened. He started flirting with the woman right next to me, who was a lovely late 30s Australian lady who seemed a little flattered by his questions of whether or not she was married, did she like to play golf, eat sushi? It was actually kind of sweet. Everyone around started giggling at his gentle and inept attempts.
Next he moved onto me. Fortunately, I am married but that didn’t exempt me from the questions. But by the time, the train arrived at the stop, I was smiling. He no longer seemed crazy just an older guy who genuinely was looking for love on his way to work.
For some reason, this little encounter brightened my day. It was a really pleasant change from all the snide comments and insults.
I thought I would share. Did anything unusual brighten your morning?